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No Trespassers...

Updated: Dec 5, 2021



Yes, I’d like to place an order. Well, we’d like to use them around spring time, in mid-to-late summer and perhaps for part of autumn as well, that would be great. Of course you’re right. We will try to be a little more patient and understanding towards people when they come traipsing past, and we’ll try not to zoom-in so vehemently with beaks and tails a-blazing. Yes, I promise. They’re for when cyclists, joggers, and dogs pass-by because they make us nervous, plus we’re on incessant squawking duty - it’s so exhausting! it’s the missus, and the little ones, they’re starting to show signs of being a little flustered and somewhat skittish, not even wanting to leave the nest which makes me want to flap even harder if I’m being brutally honest.

Mate, I don’t really want to hurt anyone by dive-bombing like a big galoot, which is normally the case, but I’m telling you, if people snoop, I’ll swoop, and I truly don’t want to start carrying on like a sociopath again. What? …Yeah, it’s where I act out my deviant glide-to-kill posture, you know, the one where I grind beak, hackle feathers, and start pinning my eyes and giving everyone the “I’m a BIG BIRD don’t mess with me!”

Look I’d write them a letter if I could, and I’d use words like intentional, and wrongful invasion, and also impose some sort of penalty and then slap-on a huge fine for good measure, and I’d shout back at them in loud zealous words so they’d hear my blaring vocalizations, and no, it wouldn’t be pretty, I can tell ya. Perhaps, that’s when you’d label me a psychopath. Yep, I agree, my flock’s somewhat territorial, an’ I suppose that goes without saying. No, we’re not a pretty-polly-pretty-polly mob and quite honestly, I’ve had a beak-full mate.

You know, we’re very much like you really, we’ve worked hard to acquire our own sweet spot and all the prolific and abundant things that have come with it. What we want is to nest in a safe little patch each season. It’s the missus, you see, she wants some form of stability, no longer wants to flit here, there and everywhere. I admit it, we can be a bit flighty and unpredictable and a tad over protective, but in the big scheme of things we’re just like any other birdbrain trying to protect our turf and asking others not to invade our pitch. The time has come to fight, because we’re done with flight and giving off subtle cues, such as cheeping, tweeting and shrieking in fowl talk. Yes, and I’m sorry for having to ruffle a few feathers mate, but could you tell those flaming galahs to find it within themselves, not to muscle in on our territory; and whilst I’ve got you, could you also send us three of your largest signs stating:

‘NO TRESPASSERS’

Good On’ya mate”.


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